*** FYI ***

This blog will be closing soon...please come join me over at my new home-away-from-home over at http://www.binaspad.net!!

Monday, June 7, 2010

I Know Because I Know

The question was just one in a line of many that evening.

We were in the car on our way to Wednesday night church when the little voice next to me reached out, hungry to engage. 

It wasn't the fact that she asked, as she had thrown a number of deep mysteries up into the air for me to juggle as I held tight to the steering wheel...

It wasn't the fact that it was a shocking thought to ponder, as I am sure I have thought it myself before. 

But its just that...this time...it struck me...

"Yes, but Momma...how do you know He's real?"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


The sacrifice was sprawled out on the altar.

It wasn't one that I would have chosen...
     but it was the one that You asked me for.

It didn't go the way that I would have most preferred...
     but I have stopped trying to make Your way fit mine.

It didn't follow a path I wanted to walk...
     but I felt Your hand in mine as I wiped the sweat from my brow.

Now, all is quiet and I am alone.

Here...staring down at the load that had been strapped to my back just hours ago...wondering just how it was that I carried all this as far as I did.

The sun begins to set in the distance and as it comes to hover behind the wall of trees, the light splinters out into beautiful beams...amazing rays of brightness mingling with the changing backdrop as the blue gives way to the black.

Its here that I know I was meant to come and my heart breaks anew because I know that while I would never have asked You for this, the load laid out here was never mine to carry.

Acceptance tingles thru me as I feel Your heart interlace with mine.

Upwards and then back, my head falls, heavy and weary, as I take in Your desire to accept this offering.

My hands raise without effort as I bathe in Your willingness to accept me despite all my efforts to reject Your help along this path.

The ground seems to pause in anticipation as my eyes open and I whisper "...please...", the word barely finished before the altar explodes in a blaze. 

My eyes snap shut in response as I have seen enough of what now burns to last me a lifetime...but there is no ignoring the sweet stench of the past as it burns away. 

I don't move until its gone.

I won't even breathe out until each and every ash has blown away on the breeze of yesterday.

"...is it over yet?"

I wait...until I hear Your whisper

"...It is finished..."

That's all it takes for me to fall into Your embrace as my eyes open to take in the view of an empty table...and a blackened sky.

I wait...here in Your arms...until the dawn of a new day, full of promises.

I wait...here with You...content to have let it all go, but torn with the intense pain of seperation.

Here, as I lean into You, my strength fades...

...leaving me with a chill

...a shiver till You wrap me tight...

...and then here, against Your chest, I finally let myself cry.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

No, the question wasn't any different than any of the others this sweet girl had thrown at me as I kept my eyes on the darkening road...

...but the answer...

...the answer burned up and out of my heart, igniting my eyes and quivering my chin.

"Oh, baby...
I know because I have walked...
and I have fallen...
and I have laid it all down...
and I have let it all go...
...and then I have been held by arms so amazing there are no words.
I know because I know...and I can't wait to hear all about it when you know too!"

"Before they call I will answer;
while they are still speaking, I will hear."
Isaiah 65:24

What about you? How do you know that He is real?

Listening to Kelly Clarkson's Cry while looking up as always...

10 comments:

steph said...

Oh, the pain I feel in my own heart hearing your words. Let Him speak and hold you.
"content to have let it all go, but torn with the intense pain of separation."
Comfort! love you <_this much___>my friend!!

Diane said...

I don't even know what to say. Did your church re-enact that? How powerful just reading it, but to actually see it happening! Wow!!!

Deidra said...

Oh yes. So beautiful. To know and to be known. And now we know in part, but then...
These words bless.
You shine.
You.
Be blessed.

alicia said...

No words. Just tears and hugs. Love you so much!
Thanks for sharing.

Heather of the EO said...

What a beautiful post, Bina. You have such a beautiful. I know in much the same way you know. But you know that :)

Sara said...

This is a beautiful post, Bina....again. How do I know? Because I have watched heartbreak....FELT heartbreak and He carries me. and I climb into His lap when I can bear the pain of this world no longer and He strokes my hair, loves me and He refreshes me to bear the pain for one more day. HE is the only thing that makes sense of this mess called life that we are in...

Jennifer said...

Beautiful. Yes, I know that I know that I know He's real. If He's not, then there is no hope, and that's a world I don't want to live in.

Melanie said...

Oh my goodness! That was the most beautiful post I have ever read. What would we ever do without Him? I think when we fall and are completely heartbroken and weary... completely empty of any of our own strength -- THAT is when we know he is real. It's the only thing that keeps us going and gives us hope and a future. Wonderful post. I needed that today.

Melanie

Laura said...

Beautiful, Bina.

We know because we have fallen, been lifted up, held, and welcomed home.

His world reminds me, too -- I see the beauty He left us and can't help but think of Him.

Jami Balmet said...

Oh I am so glad that you found my blog :) We are indeed Kindred Spirits! Love your blog and look forward to reading more of your posts! I am your newest follower now. And can't wait to read your book reviews!

LinkWithin

Related Posts with Thumbnails