*** FYI ***

This blog will be closing soon...please come join me over at my new home-away-from-home over at http://www.binaspad.net!!

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Where I've Been Hiding

...behind boxes of tissues, in bed as I prayed for decongestion meds to actually DO something

...out living life over lunches with girlfriends

...holding a forkfull of a fudge pie, hand-made and personally sent to me.

...buried in a few great new books ~ like Crave by Chris Tomlinson and 66 Love Letters by Larry Crabb

...sitting and noticing the world in ways I haven't tried to before.

I am so horrible about dropping in here to say "I'm still alive" and then I come back and people are like "Ya, for how long this time?"  Ok, the truth is that no one really says that, but I have these little imaginary conversations with myself because it is fun to talk in different accents.  (We will just let slide for now...)


The thing I gave up for Lent was all the chaos in my mind.

Normally I hear the kazillion "voices", twirling and rumbling around in my mind, all day long.  Each competing for a chance to be heard, none really having much to say.  Pride, anger, resentment, laughter, happiness and contentment ~ all playing out a circus show for me alone and each pulling and shoving me towards control or God, depending on the moment...each jumping and popping up however and whenever they like while leaving me to try and sort them into the "good" and "bad" catagories.

My last verbal instruction from God before Lent began was: "give me you"...and as I prayed to find the best way to lay myself down as a pleasing sacrifice, He answered in the silence...the clearning of the chaotic mess that can be my mind.  He stilled the waters...and left me gasping as, for better or worse, I have learned to exist in the thundering power of a world set at high volume.  Always noise...music, TV, people, the dog, me in my many accents...always something to keep my mind distracted.

If I wanted to hide from Him, I raised the sound level on the TV or kept myself busy talking. 

If I wanted to hear Him, I raised the volume of iTunes and praise music or spoke His Word out loud. 

Whatever I needed...whatever I wanted...I did it thru noise.

But as His hand swept upwards while "Peace, be still" still rang out over the raging waters of my heart and mind on day 1...I realized that in the silence comes the vision.

But still...I kept the volume up all around me as that is what I know.

In the book Crave, Chris Tomlinson has a chapter about silence...about how he learned to just be silent before God...and I was so very captivated by the thought of it that yesterday, I drove with no music on. 

I know. Shocked me too.

I actually just prayed and then journeyed with no noise...and I was amazed at what I saw and what I thought of...amazed to "hear" a world that I usually ignore. 

It impacted me so much, that I did it again today...not wanting the music now...not needing the extra competition of music, praise or not.  I just want to hear with my eyes, with my heart and with my senses that are now heightened in the stillness of nothing...because I have found that in the silence comes the strength as He now roars where He used to whisper...as now His is the only voice to be heard.

What about you?
Are you a noise/chaos-oholic too or do you have peace in the silence?

Looking up as always...


katdish said...

I'm so glad you are enjoying that book. I loved it. With my ADD, I have to turn off - TV, radio - I even have the sound turned off on my computer.

When I paint (or do most anything with my hands) is when I have my best conversations with God. My hands work while my mind talks with Him.

alicia said...

So glad to have you back my dear friend! Life gets busy and you need to step away once in awhile, its okay, I guess, as long as ya come back! :)

I have definitely learned to enjoy the silence and now crave it. It does take getting used to, but after my kiddos abandoned me for school everyday, I was forced to learn it as the sounds of the tv and radio would drive me off the deep end! Now, I am only listening to the click clack of the keyboard and the comforting sound of the dryer...
(not to say that I don't need to crank up the praise music often too, I just appreciate both!)
You've been gone too long, here's my short story in your comments again. Good grief.

Anonymous said...

Sometimes I need silence. I'm like one of those grumpy old people that just needs peace and quiet. It is in that still small voice that we can hear Him clearer. Glad you are feeling better! :O)

Sara said...

...been missing you...
and yes, my life is noise and chaos, even in those quiet times I have trouble making my mind, heart and spirit still enough to really listen.

3 Blessings said...

Glad you are back. Hope you are doing well.
Many blessings,

Beth.. One Blessed Nana said...

I love to sit in silence as I wait for God to move. So peaceful and so amazing.

I need to check out that book by Chris Tomlinson. Have you read any by Louie Giglio? He is awesome as well.

Faith Imagined said...

I love noise and peace. It just depends on what I need that day.

I am glad you are feeling better. BTW, I saw that you placed over at Internet Cafe Devotions in the 'All New Flavor' category! Congratulations!!!

Kim said...

For Lent, I actually gave up music in the car during my morning and afternoon track to work.

My plan was to be still, to pray and to hear God.

I have found, unfortunately, that I am not very good at this.

Yes, the music remains off, but the noise in my head is still there. I can push it away for a while, praying and focusing on my intentions, and before I even know how it happened I am making a mental "to-do" list and struggling to stay "on task".

Why is it so easy to stay on track while singing a song, or reading a book, or talking to a friend. Shouldn't talking to God being like talking to a friend? Maybe by Easter I will be better.....

Jackie said...

I'm a little of both!!

I love to get lost in His presence in loud praise and worship.....But, oh how I cherish the times of sitting in silence (or driving down the road) just sensing His closeness!!

Blessed by this post and your blog!! I'm following along now!!

Sweet Blessings!

Deborah Ann said...

Oh, Bina! So glad I came here today. I LOVE sitting in silence, waiting to hear God's voice. And He most surely does speak..in whispers, in shouts, in love and joy. I love His voice. I love Him...


Related Posts with Thumbnails