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Saturday, March 6, 2010

I Hate Steroids

This post, it shall contain ranting of the rather poor-little-me type...consider yourself warned.

I have asthma.  Yes, I know I have mentioned it before, but I say it again for those who haven't always been here to look into these little windows of my life... 

I have asthma...and sometimes, when this warrior is armed and at work, it is very difficult to remember that the asthma doesn't have me.

This past Sunday, I had a tickle in my throat.  The tickle came from the cold that I finally decided to take on after all the months of my kids passing it back and forth...thought it would be fun to play with...I was wrong.  But I digress...  I had a slight tickle while singing and so I ahem-ed to clear it.  When I tried to clear it casually, the tickle turned into an annoying cough that travelled quickly down my throat and into my lungs.  Once there, the asthma decided that the cold was getting too much attention and so it woke from its slumber to freeze my chest.

Fast forward 5 days, you will find me in a doctor's office. 

Why wait five days?  Avoidance.  Pure and simple. 

What was I avoiding?  The dreaded "s" word... 

Yup, you guessed it: Steroids.   The teeny-tiny white pills that work wonders on an almost immediate lung unfreezing....but in payment cause stabbing pain in my arms and legs while they enhance my appetite and swell my face up to a puffy and round variation. 

The smallest of white pills...and I hate them with a large ferociousness.

But even more than I hate the pills...I am confused by the "why's" that come with having a long term issue like this.

And so, I sit here...venting at you poor, innocent reader...working my hardest to see the light at the end of the tunnel.  I sit here really, really wanting to see the bright side...the rainbow...the up to the down...but I just don't because, as I mentioned above, I can so often forget that while I have asthma, the asthma doesn't have me.

I sit here, somewhat embittered and fully tired...and I put it out there to you, my trusted and unseen friends because I don't want to let the uglies win...and the best way I know, is to be reminded that I AM NOT ALONE.

What kind of things do you have in your life that you can often forget don't have you?

What verses do you turn to when you fight to get out from under the pull of the tide?

Looking up as always...

8 comments:

destrella said...

The problem for me is in the midst of the "it", I am too emotional to remember that it doesn't have the victory! Thank you for the good reminder :O)

Beautiful pear tree lane said...

Hello Bina,
My name is Sue, I want to congratulate you on winning your Blessed Aroma Award, and to tell you I have enjoyed my visit on your blog.
I know what steroids can do and have had to take them lately, and yes i have gained weight as a result.
My favorite scripture I turn to is phil. 4:6-7, it is one I have committed to memory and have relied on many times.
Blessings,
Sue

alicia said...

I am so sorry that you were going through that week. I love the phrase "it doesn't have me" I think we all become so easily in bondage to our troubles. Much love and praying your week is much, much better!

~*Michelle*~ said...

Oh YUCK! I had to take steroids once for this hideous onset of hives and I would have rather had the hives. I.....yes, me!.....hated the sounds of birds chirping due to being so jumpy/agitated while on them. I wanted to crawl out of my own skin (not for the itchies) but because I was so irritated/anxious.

{{{{hugs}}}

I will pray for you my friend.....

I love your "it doesn't have me" too.

Speak to this mountain....and it shall move in the name of Jesus!

xox

Deidra said...

When I get stuck, it's not a verse that comes to mind...just a simple song:

"Jesus loves me this I know. For the Bible tells me so. Little ones to Him belong. We are weak but He is strong. Yes, Jesus loves me. Yes, Jesus loves me. Yes, Jesus loves me. The Bible tells me so."

It works every single time.

Deborah Ann said...

I'll pray for you, Bina! I can't say that I know what it feels like to have asthma, but I do have my own swampy times to deal with. Let's put on our boots and sludge right through the sludge!

~*Michelle*~ said...

Hey popping in to see how you've been feeling....

drop me a line.....you have been on my heart.

xox

GlowinGirl said...

What great thoughts, Bina.

And your blog is beautiful. I stumbled upon you and wanted to give you this award that was given to me.

http://sugartails-glowingirl.blogspot.com/2010/03/surprised-by-beauty.html

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