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Sunday, August 23, 2009

While I'm Waiting...

The year was 1993. I was a 17 year old girl with a horrible case of strep throat and tonsillitis. I couldn't swallow, I couldn't talk without coughing...I was miserable. Every night found me unable to lay down and sleep because I would cough straight thru from sundown to sunrise. My throat felt like I had swallowed a handful of glass shards and I was beyond tired. It was awful.
One night, after many of not sleeping, I had slipped from my bed to pray. I was young and really had no proof that God listened to me. I knew what I had heard in the churches I had been raised in, but He had never moved for me that I had noticed so I was going solely on desperation. Exhausted and in severe pain, I cried out to God.
While I wish I remembered my words that night, I do remember the pit of agony from which my voice screamed out to heaven...begging Him to do something...anything. I do remember that as I finished talking and broke down into exhausted tears, I heard something. To say it was a voice would have been a stretch, as the tones of His voice were still foreign to me back then. But it was simple...and it was clear. "Psalm 4:8"
I don't really remember how I got my Bible into my hands, but I know that I did, immediately. I do remember hacking horribly as I looked over the page to read "In peace I will lie down and sleep, for You alone, Lord, make me dwell in safety"...and I remember smiling to myself, closing the book and climbing into my bed...and I remember that I didn't cough again that night, or any night after that in the duration of the my illness. I slept the night thru...and I remember knowing with full assurance that the God of heaven had heard my cry and had answered me.
Since that night, I have learned a lot about God...and about the battle of Christian life.
It's true.
My enemy knows my fears.
He knows my weaknesses.
He has made every attempt to lay waste to the hope of my heart for a life without negative confrontation.
He's loud...
He's big...
He does know how to scare me and he can make me cry...
BUT, O Lord, My Lord God... "Oh Lord Almighty, God of Israel, enthroned between the cherubim, You alone are God over all the kingdoms of the earth. You have made heaven and earth! Give ear, O Lord and hear; open Your eyes, Oh Lord, and see; listen to all the words my enemy sends to insult the Living God." Isaiah 37:16-20
After another night of broken and barely-there-hardly-any sleep, I find myself reminded of His promise to me as a simple, broken 17 year girl and I find myself renewed... I trust in Him for the days full of His hand, as I have had so many of them...so how can I not trust Him for the nights full of His comfort even as my mind is active thru every phase of night. For He alone has made me dwell in safety in spite of all the choices I have made for myself...He alone has been faithful to me in every way...He alone is my everything...and I choose to trust You, O MY Lord.
Looking up as always...


alicia said...

Beautifuly written. This spiritual warfare you are on is wearing I am certain, but like you said, He is trusting you enough to lead you through that storm. Prayers go up on your behalf...

Bina said...

Thank you Alicia. I love how God works - don't have actually have to know someone to care about them :) I have been praying for you and yours as well and I know that He will give you the comfort you need as you continue to walk your journey.
Right back at ya,


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