In The Heat Of The Night

Yesterday, was an interesting day...to say the least. I have gotten used to the attacks that are being thrown...had actually found a peace as I moved thru them. But then I got thrown a curve ball I wasn't expecting ~ a cease fire.

I don't know if I am the only one out there that hates confrontation...but the only thing worse than the fight with someone is thinking there is going to be one! You get nauseous, sweaty and your heart is racing so fast you lose count of the beats that slam against your chest...only to find out there will be no battle. All that adrenaline used for nothing leaves you with the feelings of let down and depression as your body fights to right itself again.

Then I waited...but there was nothing. No attacks. No screaming thoughts. No negative. Just silence. And as much as it was a wonderful thing, it was completely unnerving as I haven't had that in over a month!

I got to spend time in fellowship and prayer with a dear friend who has put her life on hold to pray me thru these two weeks. Then I got to "chat" with Brazil again via IM for almost 30 minutes. And then I got to talk with another friend who has also held me up over the past 11 days. I was on such a high from the quiet of the "cease fire" that I sat and blasted iTunes at midnight, lifting my voice in song to my Lord. I praised until my throat hurt and my eyes were heavy...and then I went to bed.

Truth be told, I should've known better - I should've remembered the craftiness of our enemy.
I should have stayed alert...
Once the lights were out, I found myself face to face with the longest night I have spent in over a year. Without going into too much detail...I spent the 2 hours chasing down "things that go bump in the night" and finally fell asleep with my Bible laid across my chest, holding our youngest daughter in my arms, trembling and afraid. As I posted in Got My Attention, spiritual warfare is real and last night, it came fully prepped for battle just as I had lowered my defenses.

That being said...I love my Lord this morning. Even in the fear of the night...even when I couldn't hear His voice over the loud screams of fear that echoed in my own mind...even then, I felt His presence in the fight with me.

There is something so undeniable about Him...and I value the fact that He trusts me enough to allow this war to wage around me. (See Job 1:6-12) I truly praise Him for giving me this chance to learn what trusting Him fully is all about because I don't know if I can honestly say I loved Him this much 11 days ago!

I post this song as it is my heart right now - it is me, my heart and my long night...played out in song.

I have posted the lyrics below the video for anyone interested in them.

(**Before you push play, go to the bottom of the screen and pause my playlist**)
By Francesca Battistelli on the album My Paper Heart


Don’t know how it is You looked at me
And saw the person that I could be
Awakening my heart
Breaking through the dark
Suddenly Your grace

(Chorus)
Like sunlight burning at midnight
Making my life something so
Beautiful, beautiful
Mercy reaching to save me
All that I need
You are so
Beautiful, beautiful

Now there’s a joy inside I can’t contain
But even perfect days can end in rain
And though it’s pouring down
I see You through the clouds
Shining on my face

(Chorus)

I have come undone
But I have just begun
Changing by Your grace

(Chorus)

And, for me, "That is why I can never stop praising you; I declare your glory all day long!" Psalm 71:8

Looking up as always...
~Bina~
(*Artwork in this blog entry from Art.com **)