Fasting is hard.
It means that we choose not to allow ourselves to depend on one certain thing.
It means that we choose to let go of that thing in order to allow that hunger to become a neon sign that flashes "pray, pray, pray".
It means that we stop trying to feed on one thing in order that we might feast where we are meant to.
Really...truly...you have no idea how humiliating it is to confess that my fast of social networking was oh-so-necessary in my life.
Between FaceBook, Twitter (no, I didn't tweet often, but I did read what others had to say) and the need to have comments on the Blogger...well, I am ashamed to say that God was shoved to the back of my mind's bus more often than not. Forced to ride on the rear bench seat with other mental cast-offs...but only on the days that I remembered to even pick Him up!!
But while I am actually happy to have a release from the need for all those things...what I wasn't expecting was an increase in my emotional responses to things around me. They say that is natural when fasting...but who knew that included internet crap-o-la!!
Steel Magnolias was on the movie channel a few days ago...and when Julia Robert's life support was shut off, I found myself in a bawl fest that lasted until after the cemetary scene was over. Cuz really...?!?!?
Yesterday, I saw a woman who looked so much like my long passed Grandmother that I almost assaulted this stranger with a hug! Luckily logic stopped me from making a total fool of myself, but emotion flooded over and as I walked towards my car, I cried for her for the first time in years. I didn't even realize how much I missed her...
This morning I read a verse and emotion forced me to sit and re-read it over and over...and over. Each time my eyes moved over the words, a sound like a hammer against a stubborn nail went off...over and over...and over. Like He knew I needed that driven home...deep into a mind that knows his Truth, but needed to see it thru the fresh eyes of emotion laid bare:
"Christ suffered for our sins once for all time.
He never sinned,
but he died for sinners to bring you safely home to God.
He suffered physical death,
but he was raised to life in the Spirit."
1 Peter 3:18
Over and over...and over, that small segment plays out.
Simple truth for anyone who knows anything about the Bible, right??
But as I face the bitter reality that if He never sinned...it was my sin that put Him on a cross.
It was my lies, addiction, stubborn pride and rebellion that drove the nails and tore His heart.
Over and over...and over, I realize that He not only died for what I have done...but what I continue to...where I continue to mess up each and every day.
And just as it sinks in...
and I reach a point of deep sorrow within my chest...
...He lifts my chin to look upward again as He whispers:
"Yes, your sin put me there...but it was my love for you that kept me there.
Yes, I had to die to cover your sin...but it was worth it to bring you safely home to Me."
For more information about this celebration of Lent on the pad
and why there are no comments allowed,
click here to read the first post Lent, Day 0
Looking up as always...