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Wednesday, August 4, 2010

When The Light Sleeps

Obsession hits in the dark hours when the light has wandered away to sleep,
leaving me vulnerable to this whispered attack.

If I seem distant, maybe I am
Words are like scissors in your hands
And there's no script to follow,
so I just close my eyes

Fear breaks into the safety of my guarded heart and shoves reason to a corner,
silent in the face of the burning cold that demands my focus.

I feel just like an actress up on the stage
I can't believe what I'm hearing myself say
And a porch light is my spotlight,
so I play along with this lie

The questions I vowed to never communicate with again burn as they rise up within,
bringing with them the insecurity of the unknown.

Did you ever love me?
Does it even matter?
Did you even notice the whole word shatter?
I just want to hold you and tell you that I'm sorry
But I just keep it all inside

The tears burn thru my flesh as they wind their way down the face they know well.
The ache is familiar and somehow welcoming as I allow myself to be embraced...
...as I watch my heart wander, playing in the hurt fields for just awhile.


My heart feels like a circus
It's too much to take in
It's hard to lose a love
But you were my friend


I know that what it was to me...well, it is different than what was to you.
Your inablity to see what you were doing burned out from your eyes
and it flavored your words.
My inability to absorb it all was displayed in the heartbreak you never saw
because I don't trust you now.

So I walk this high wire, alone tonight
That way it won't hurt so much, when we say goodbye

I lay here and cradle a heart that still cries even as I long for the scars to heal.

I pray for the strength to carry on with the light and wisdom of His touch...

...but I let myself miss you...only in the moments when the light sleeps.




Here is a video of the song containing the lyrics listed in blue above...(I did change two of the words for the purpose of my blog, as it helped it make more sense from where I am coming from.)  I hadn't heard it before today, but it was for sure a heaven-sent inspiration for a much needed soul-release. :) Please pause the blog song playing, down at the bottom of the screen, before pushing play.



Listening to Katherine McPhee's Say Goodbye while looking up as always...
 

6 comments:

Karen said...

Bina, "I Swuaneee," as they say where I come from, you gave me chills and sadness with hope in the midst. "Shoves reason to a corner," is so wonderfully written. Your style is a gift and I pray you are well, and full of His blessings. ((hugs))

alicia said...

You bring tears to my eyes today my friend. Your heart says what mine struggles to.
Much love to you...

Diane said...

Need anything sweetie! Cyber-hugs and love and Iowa dreams being sent your way! :O)

Bina said...

Karen...I had to google "I Swuanee", but it brought a smile to my face. There is hope in the midst...sometimes even a heart needs a moment just cry a little bit and this was mine :)

my alicia...i love you back

Diane...what you sent was what I needed. A hug is being sent back on an Easterly breeze :)

Thanks for your prayers and kind words, girls...they do my heart good.

Jennifer said...

Sounds like a really, really bad period. Sending peaceful, healing thoughts your way.

Kelly said...

Apparently, I need to read more often. I'm so sorry dear heart. I don't like you hurting like that. Big hugs. I love you!

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