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This blog will be closing soon...please come join me over at my new home-away-from-home over at http://www.binaspad.net!!

Friday, April 16, 2010

All I Just Can't Say

How do I put into words the beat of my heart?  How do I verbalize the burn of tears that flow from a deep well?

I want so much for you to hear me...to give weight to what I have to say...to drop your guard long enough to hug me close once again.

Because I love you...and I still need you here...in my life and in my heart.

I remember how it used to be...easy...carefree...real.

We lost it along the path we were forced down...the path you chose for us...the path that didn't seem to think of me...the path that left my heart to bleed...and to cry...and to miss you so much more than I can articulate because all my words just seem so trivial now.

I know I'm all grown up...that it shouldn't matter so much...or hurt so profoundly that you aren't here...  But God knows......oh dear Lord above......it does. 

I want you to know that He is here...that He holds my hand and my heart, even when it breaks anew at the thoughts of the past.  I want you to have comfort that I am not beyond repair and that I won't fade away into nothing in your absence because He has been my all in all...my reality and my stability.

...but I also want you to know that I pray every day for your return...that I still need you...that I still want you in my life.  I know it can never be what it was...but I also know that different doesn't have to be "bad"...it doesn't have to be this chasm that has developed between us.  I want you to know that I am here...waiting...and praying with a faith full of hope that one day, all will be put to rest.

But for now...for today...I cry, burst open from all that I just can't say...


Listening to while looking up as always...

6 comments:

alicia said...

Love you so much and so sad for the missing one in your life at this time. I know how much it hurts you.... you are in my prayers always.
(((HUGS))))

Karen said...

Bina, I'm not sure who this is, but I feel your crying passion in this post. Keep looking up dear one. Prayers.

Diane said...

I have a sadness for a loss in my life also. Praying.....

Jennifer said...

Sending a long distance hug your way. I can feel your hurt through your words. You're right--He can heal all.

~*Michelle*~ said...

Oh my friend, Bina....

So sad to read about the pain you are going through. Please email me if you ever need to talk, pray, scream....anything.

Sara said...

Oh Bina, I can feel how sad your heart is as I read this. So beautifully written. Praying one day I will read a post of rejoicing over this very same situation. Love you, Bina

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