I want so much for you to hear me...to give weight to what I have to say...to drop your guard long enough to hug me close once again.
Because I love you...and I still need you here...in my life and in my heart.
I remember how it used to be...easy...carefree...real.
I know I'm all grown up...that it shouldn't matter so much...or hurt so profoundly that you aren't here... But God knows......oh dear Lord above......it does.
I want you to know that He is here...that He holds my hand and my heart, even when it breaks anew at the thoughts of the past. I want you to have comfort that I am not beyond repair and that I won't fade away into nothing in your absence because He has been my all in all...my reality and my stability.
...but I also want you to know that I pray every day for your return...that I still need you...that I still want you in my life. I know it can never be what it was...but I also know that different doesn't have to be "bad"...it doesn't have to be this chasm that has developed between us. I want you to know that I am here...waiting...and praying with a faith full of hope that one day, all will be put to rest.
But for now...for today...I cry, burst open from all that I just can't say...
Listening to while looking up as always...