*** FYI ***

This blog will be closing soon...please come join me over at my new home-away-from-home over at http://www.binaspad.net!!

Thursday, February 4, 2010

Unafraid

It starts innocently enough.

Get busy...so don't pop in.

Finish busy and now get caught up...so don't pop in.

Caught up leads into distraction...which drops straight into the cavern of avoidence...which always winds around to the river of confusion, doubt and regret...which leads me back here, tail tucked firmly in behind me.

I know I sound as if I am apologizing about not blogging...and in someways I am, but in reality I am describing the path that leads away from God's feet and into the kitchen, working myself into a frenzy trying to present the perfect "meal" when, in reality, the important place to be sitting is next to Mary...curled up by His legs, listening intently to the words that pour from His heart thru His tender smile.

BUT...this time, I don't come here looking for pity. 

No...this time I come here because here is where I am most me.  Here is where I just don't hide because there is no point.  You guys have proven to love me just as I am...and so here I sit, hair needing a clipping and nails craving a manicure.  I told the kids that lots of moms let the eyebrows grow out for braiding, but they didn't buy it.  And as for the nails...is it bad to buy larger shoes just to avoid cutting them??

I spent an amazing weekend with two really wonderful people...people that it took God's blessing for me to know, but have left me a better person for their friendship and love.  Oh and don't be fooled by the sandy beauty you are about to see....in the words of a dear friend "The Arctic can't be colder than this!!!"




A wonderful weekend, to say the least, but then the rest of this week was a blur.

...a bit of running around with a friend and my mom (...Happy Birthday, Mommy...)...

...a lot of headaches and fevers to be medicated, the most current tucked in even now...

...a Moses moment in church last night, which God tailored to my personality to ensure that I spoke up before I chickened out (...what was that all about anyway???....)...

...a lot of simply phrased and gut wrenchingly honest entries into my journal as I have dealt with the uprising of emotions that flare due to the seperation of His embrace...

...and, most hautingly real, a lot of can-you-see-Me-now pictures of the face of the One that I have been avoiding...

I wish I could come up with a reason that is justified to pull back from Him.  One that can slip off my fingers and onto this screen that would make enough sense that I wouldn't even have to keep typing. 

I wish I understood my own need to retreat from the over-whelming love that flows from His heart and into my life.  Why I feel that "good" is too much and that I don't deserve to stay in its embrace.

I really and honestly wish I knew...but I don't and I've been here enough to know that isn't about the pulling away but rather about the tucking back in.  It isn't about the desire to shut down but rather the urge that calls me back to life. 

And I come here, today...like this...because I know some of you know what I am talking about.  I know you accept me as I am ~ braided eyebrows, much too long shoes and all. 

And I am here because even now as I type this out, I smile because I realize...

...I am back to where I left off.

Unafraid.

Gosh...God is good.

All the time.

**Footprints, Crosses, Sand Castles, Alone are all pictures taken by Bina's cell**

***Also, I know that you think I forgot your giveaway.  I didn't...I just had Alicia do it for me over at Life's A Journey.  Click on the link and join into the fun of 100's!!!  (...ok, ok...she isn't doing it for me...yes, I know that is cheating!!  I have my own, really I do!  I will be back with it for you, but in the meantime double the chances to win something fun and visit's Alicia's place :) ***

Looking up as always...

10 comments:

alicia said...

And I love your Bina style!

I understand so completely all that you are saying here. And the best part is, so does HE. HE gets it. The important part is that WE get how much easier life is with Him and that we need to reel it back in on occasion!

missed you here, always glad to see you back!

Jennifer said...

Isn't it amazing how God speaks to us, gets us back on track, by making us slow down enough to just "write" what He wants us to? Still amazes me.

Tamika: said...

I bless God always for meeting me right where I am- flawed and frail.

Glad you're back- refreshed and renewed.

Sara said...

i totally get it.....but you already knew that, didn't you?

Christy said...

I was thinking of you yesterday, and wondering and praying....I am glad you are back. :) Right there with you, sister. Sick kids and everything.

Faith Imagined said...

Another wonderful, beautiful, honest post! I also love your "Bina" style. There is none similar to it.

BTW, gorgeous pictures!

L.L. Barkat said...

Lots of wishes. I know about them too.

Oh, and the toenails. Yeah, I never considered bigger shoes! :)

Kelly Langner Sauer said...

And sometimes, it's okay to just fall into the love - no tucking required. You don't have to do anything, or think anything, or accept anything or believe anything. He meets you where you are.

I know. This is how I came to love Him too.

Thanks for sharing...

Karen said...

"Transparent, as always," she said as the tossed the offending eyebrows over her forhead and got up and "clacked" down the hall in her bare feet. Blessings**

Lorrie said...

Yeppers, I can relate! Love your humor :-)

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