*** FYI ***

This blog will be closing soon...please come join me over at my new home-away-from-home over at http://www.binaspad.net!!

Thursday, January 7, 2010

Insecurity And All

Its like a cold, cold ocean wave.

Your feet, once planted on what felt like firm foundation of packed sand, are suddenly washed out to sea as the platform rolls out with the tide.

One minute you are standing, looking out at the vast beauty of the blue stretched in front of you...

...the next, you are struggling to hold your breath as you are tossed and turned beneath the salty waves.

...it's unfair.

...it's untrustworthy.

...it's insecurity.

It's the voices that creep into the guarded, tender areas of your heart.

They are not uninvited. 

Oh no, they were ushered in...coming to you as wolves in sheep's clothing, offering what seemed to be good company. 

It starts with funny anecdotes from your past that suddenly turn lethal while you are still lost in a laugh...and the next thing you know, you are trapped in a dark room that echoes with each whisper tossed your way from dark, sneering mouths.

...it's a trap.

...it's horribly cold.

...it's not reality.

That is where I was most of December. 

Trapped in the circle of insecurity...tossed around by the battering waves and choking on the salt water, too scared to even ask for a hand up and out of the water because I firmly believed the voices telling me I belonged there. 

Honestly? I would have drowned there...except there was a Love that wouldn't let me...and He got me out by causing me to look around.  He got me out by reminding me that I was not alone in the sea, nor was I the only one attacked in the darkness.

It is so easy to write about how great He is.  There are a ton of verses that anyone can use at anytime to back up what we want to say.

It is so easy to claim we believe how wonderful He is.  We can put on a huge smile and throw out a convincing "Praise the Lord" and fool everyone we know.

It is not so easy to believe Him...to accept the fact that He loves us, insecurity and all, with a passion so deep that He was willing to die our death...to put on our sin...to reach down into the depth of the Pit of Despair and give us a hand out even when we aren't asking for one.

Today, I have no verses to post
...no lyrics to quote
...not even a photo to paint the portrait of my words.

No today, I have only the fearful awe of the One who not only rescued me from the dark waters, but continues to fight for and defend me each day since.

I love Him...I just can't help myself.

Looking up as always...

3 comments:

destrella said...

Glad He pulled you out awesome, beautiful, worthy girlfriend of mine! Love you.
BTW-Did you ever look at that book I sent you? :O)

Karen said...

Bina, He loves you, He just can't help Himself. Love to you, friend.

alicia said...

Many hugs and kisses to you my friend! So glad you are back and able to experience His grace which always saves us!

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