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This blog will be closing soon...please come join me over at my new home-away-from-home over at http://www.binaspad.net!!

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

...stuck...

Today is a day that just has run together and left me spinning.  I feel so jumbled up inside and would pay money to get away from everybody around me...not because of them, but because I have ZERO impulse control. 

I know what it is but the fact that it happens to every woman once a month...well, it doesn't help the desire to kill for the chocolate that is no where to be found in my house  ...it doesn't dry up the tears that feel as tho they are built up within Exodus's parted Red Sea  ...it doesn't stop the fact that my skin is crawling to be alone only to find myself surrounded by little people who love me too much to stay away  ...it doesn't make it any easier to fight the craziness within my mind.

So, under the orders of a great friend who sent this text: "that is a good sign you need to write.  just start writing.  don't need to be perfect.", I am just going to close my eyes and write....all while fighting the driving desire to only show what is perfectly written out. :)

cluttered and full
cleared and empty 
all at once, stuck together in nothing
looking up while falling down
leaning forward while walking backwards
here i sit while running circles in my mind 
i wish i could stop the chaos and shut off the thoughts
i wish i could outrun the fact that i have no control over me
free falling within while smiling without
i know it is temporary and that this too shall pass
but i long for tomorrow's mercies, so full of promise and cheer
tonight promises a blanket of music and laughter...
because within my Lord's hand lies the secret to life:
His Love and wrapped within is His smile
yes i feel You...and i love You too
how could i not when You are so all encompassing
You are so full and deep
so rich and delightful
Your whispers bring a smile to my heart
even when my mouth fights the curl of a frown
You are the center of my heart
You are the light of my eyes
without You all would be dark
with You there is nothing i can't see
You are my all in all
and i thank You for making me Your life blood's purpose
my soul delights in You, Lord my God

Looking up as always...
~Bina~

3 comments:

alicia said...

Beautiful.

steph said...

Such expressiveness of how God is in you. Beautiful is right! Glad you wrote. :-)

Bina said...

Thanks you two...appreciate your reassurance in my vulnerability...means a lot.

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