*** FYI ***

This blog will be closing soon...please come join me over at my new home-away-from-home over at http://www.binaspad.net!!

Monday, May 2, 2011

a broken hallelujah

i pray, Lord, for You to hear my call...that you wouldn't ignore my cries, but that You would really hear me.  and if i may presume upon Your grace even further still...that You would answer me.

my thoughts tug and pull at me...like a war being waged against my senses and sensitivities until i am left cold...
tired...
worn...
and all-at-once unsure of the girl i was just a moment ago. 
with one single sideways glance,  my gaze rips from what's sure and latches onto insecurity and self-doubt...and suddenly i am plunged from riding atop the peaceful waves to sinking fast beneath the violent currents.

i stagger for breath...but even as tiny, barely helpful bursts of oxygen find my lungs, my mind screams out and remembers You...and i know that it is the voice of the enemy that seeks to destroy me this way...so i fight to recall the tones of Your whispers that say i am Yours.

and so...i come now, laying it all out at Your feet...my tears having bathed this offering in bitter saltiness from the innermost confines of my heart.  but i lay it down because it isn't mine to hold...
no, never mine to own... 
i lay it down because i know that this moment was a gift that You allowed to be tossed in my direction in order to train me to let go...
to be still...
to know what i say i know.

so i lay it down because i know You and i trust what You are:

my Sustainer,
     my Defender
          my Salvation.

YOU are mine...and i, oh how can it be true, am Yours.

i lay it down and i sing out my broken hallelujah as i smile to see You coming even now, to my rescue.


"Cast your burden on the Lord
and He will sustain you;
He will never permit the righteous
to be moved."
Ps 55:22


Joining in with the group...
...pop over to see what's up.


Looking up as always...
...bina...

15 comments:

Laura@OutnumberedMom said...

We lay it all down...it's all we can do. And what better hands to put it all in?

C. said...

What a beautiful, heartfelt prayer. Our mighty God wants us to lay our burdens at his feet. You are not alone. Praying for you...

Ryan and Melanie said...

"i lay it down because i know that this moment was a gift"

this line moved me, for it's something I'm learning right now. That everything...even pain is a gift. Thank you for allowing me to glimpse your beautiful heart.

--Mel

Bina said...

Thanks, gals.

This one was a chunk of my heart...and a test in the practice of "Turn To God Before You Have A Chance To Run Away In Fear" :)

I appreciate your kind words...very much.
Bina

Big Fat Mama! said...

There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God, the holy place where the Most Hight dwells. God is within her, she will not fall; God will help her at break of day. Nations are in uproar, kingdoms fall; he lifts his voice, the earth melts.
Psalm 46:4-6

God bless you, new friend. :)

Mrs. M. said...

Bina....we are His Possession! His love for us is immense...

He is all of that and more.Hallelujah!

Beautiful words Bina - Thank you so much for this.

Mrs. M.

Diana Trautwein said...

Lovely, lovely. Thanks for these good words. And tears are indeed 'sweet saltiness.' Did you know that the tears we cry when we're hurt, either physically or emotionally, are a different chemical make-up than the tears we cry when we peel onions? There are toxins in real tears - it's God's gift of cleansing for us, physically and emotionally. SWEET indeed. Let 'em flow.

Heart n Soul said...

Great post...linking up from 'Soli deo Gloria'.

GLENDA CHILDERS said...

Sometimes it is so hard to lay it down. Sound like you did not let the enemy win this one. I felt like I was ready a new Psalm, maybe Psalm 151.
Fondly,
Glenda

Jen said...

This reminds me of that song by Amy Grant. I think it's called "Better than a Hallelujah." I think that when we bring our brokenness to God, that in and of itself is an offering of worship.

Oh, Bina! I'm so glad that Lent is over and you can link up with us. Your words are wonderful.

Jenny Roan Forgey said...

Wow, you are a beautiful writer. I was captivated. What an amazing gift you have with words. Thank you for sharing.

Erika said...

Absolutely beautiful. Thank you for sharing your heart.

Pamela said...

I've experienced the "sinking fast beneath the violent currents." It's a privilege to lay them before Christ's feet. Your beautiful, expressive writing touched my heart.

Blessings,
Pamela

Bina said...

You guys have all blown me away with your kindnes, encouragement and sweet words.

Thank you ALL, from the bottom of my heart...means more than you will ever know!
Bina

"Ima" said...

This is really beautiful. Words that are so encouraging. And this song-just wonderful. I love it. Thanks for sharing this.

LinkWithin

Related Posts with Thumbnails