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Sunday, September 26, 2010

YOU are not alone

I sat on her bed, my hand on her knee as I reached over to wipe the tears from her eyes...my voice was soft and my tone light as I reassured her that she isn't fat. 

This wasn't our first go-round on this subject...and I knew, even as I spoke, that it wouldn't be our last.  I told her that to judge her own weight and clothing fit against anyone that isn't the exact height, weight and bone structure as her was just like saying that an apple should lose weight to measure up to a banana's tall elegance.  I told her that the children who spew negativity at her should never be her sounding board, but rather she should turn her heart's ears back to the One who made her in His image.  I told her that she's beautiful...just as she is.

I sat there and told her the truth...the reality...the world that exists outside the fog of perfection's deceptions.  I laid out my heart for one that I love more than I can express in words and I saw a sparkle of recognition in her eyes as she smiled up at me and said thank you, trusting the "fact" that Mom always knows best.

I hugged her tight and whispered soft words, my heart warmed by her love and respect...

...and then, out of her room, I walked past a mirror and saw how my t-shirt was clinging to the bulge of my belt buckle...that was made more prominent by my stomach that hasn't known flat since 12th grade...that made me drop my eyes to my thighs that have never known thin.  Moving up again, I realized that my upper arms could use toning and my face is beginning to show the signs of age...the color changing and the elasticity fleeing.  I reached up to my face, attempting to smooth out the lines that are beginning to nest by my eyes and I heard myself whisper, "Wow.  What happened to you?"

Here I stood, just moments from a talk that involved a truth that I not only know, but fully believe in...but now, looking back, I realize how much I believe it only for her, her siblings and my friends...  Sure, I can talk a good game and I can tell you that Truth is Truth...for you, me and that tree on the corner...but do I apply it or do I discard it when the reality seems a mirage in the face of the person staring back at me, that's the real question.

The bottom line is that I struggle deeply with my own self-esteem...
...more desperately than I will probably ever let on, even to those I trust with my life...except maybe the One who made me in His image.  To Him, I pour out my list of why's and why not's...knowing I am perfect in His perfection, but realizing I am lacking in a world of cover models and actresses who live in the power of media to hide their flaws. 

I see every area in which I am lacking without applying the reality that I am not the only one who thinks what I think, as often as I think it.

Why am I telling you all this?

I just finished reading a blog entry that left me in tears by the end of it...because in it, I saw me. 

Sure, my kids and friends were there too...but it was me that shook in the face of exposure to the realities of who I am, deep down where I don't let other people look. 

I don't know much about the writer of the blog, as I found it thru another blogger I follow, so take what you find on his site as you will knowing that I don't recommend the blog as much as I do this post:
 The Disease Called "Perfection" . 

At the end of his entry, he asked the readers to comment on our own imperfections...and so, this post. 

I don't ask for your words of reassurance in this (although I always appreciate each and every one I get as you guys are awesome), but rather I hope that you will take the moment to be real in your own life...in whatever way you are most led...in an effort to tell someone else:

You are not alone.

Looking up as always,

4 comments:

Amy DeTrempe said...

Wow, thanks for the link. That was one powerful post.

Diane said...

We all have those moments of looking in the mirror. Praying for your little honey to love the princess she is of the King! :O)

Jennifer said...

Every woman has these feelings. But we still wish our little girls didn't have to feel this, too.

Ann Kroeker said...

I think we need to tell each other those same words of truth you told your daughter--over and over and over, to counteract the lies of our world.

This weekend I was at a conference, rooming with two friends. One has always had the flattest stomach I have ever seen, even after four pregnancies. My stomach, by comparison, looks more like a squishy, blobby lava lamp.

I can't help but focus on that one area of weakness...why do we do this to ourselves?

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