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Saturday, September 26, 2009

5 Special Words

In my habit of blog-hopping, I came across a new one by JungleMom, who lives in the Paraguay and has such a fascinating blog.  She had a friend give her 5 words and she then created a post around those themes. She then offered to pass this opportunity on to any who asked as a way of getting to know her readers a little better. So I decided to give it a go and asked for my five words, which she provided:
Redheads, Quote, Book, Motherhood and Giggle
So buckle in for a really long post...and away I go:

Well, what can I say about them that wouldn't be totally biased as I have lived as one for the last 33 years. ha ha 
My paternal grandfather and great grandmother were both naturally graced with the hair color that I was born with.  I can honestly say, tho, that I never thought of my hair color as a "grace" or a mercy as it provided me much ridicule and tears.
Children are cruel and the combination of my fair skin, freckles, red hair and maiden name were almost more torment than I could stand.  It took many years for me to get past the belief in thier words...to remember that carrot tops are actually green, that freckles were not really idiot spots AND white skin doesn't mean that my blood is made of milk.  (I am not so sure why insults such as these carry such power with our hearts and minds as they, when spelled out in black and white, sound really, really ridiculous, but....) It wasn't until High School that I realized the "draw" to the hair color...especially when it was as long as I wore it then...but even then, the confidence I needed in order to flaunt "what my mama gave me" was too low to work it properly.

The curse that I saw each day I looked into the mirror as a child was broken the moment my first two daughters were born with copper-toned hair.  The second my eyes met their reddish halos, I could only smile to myself as memories of my grandfather flooded my mind and heart.  He is long gone, already caught up in heaven's embrace...but when I see their radiant smiles on milky white faces crowned in strawberry glory...well, I can see his heartprint still alive in my life. 

One of my all time "I-Know-The-Movie-Like-The-Back-Of-My-Hand-And-I-Still-Laugh" moveis is Ron Howard's 1989 flick named Parenthood.
I first discovered it as a 20 year old newlywed...and while you would think it wouldn't be that funny if you were not immersed in the full time occupation of kid raising while watching, well, who can not laugh at Steve Martin??? But it was on TV the other day and let me tell you: while I did find Mr. Martin's pysical humor quite side-splitting back in the day...I can now relate to ALL the unfolding parenting drama in a way that I never would have then. It makes me laugh, it makes me laugh HARD...and it also makes me cry. (Ok so the crying thing is a mom issue...am hoping to outgrow it, but it seems to only get worse as my children age.)
There is a scene, towards the end, when Gil and Karen Buckman are having a marital spat. It is stupid, as most spats usually are, but it is real to them. He is frustrated, she is hurt and neither had been speaking to the other. Gil attempts to start talking but sticks his foot in his mouth just enough to get them both to raise their voices. At that point, 80-something year old Grandma walks into the room and tells this story:
"You know, when I was 19, Grandpa took me on a rollercoaster. Up, down. Up, down. Oh what a ride. I always wanted to go again. It was interesting to me that a ride could make me so frightened, so scared, so sick, so excited and so thrilled all together. Some didn't like it. They went on the merry-go-round. Hm. That just goes around. Nothing. I like the roller coaster. You get more out of it."
Gil didn't get much out of the story by his grandma, but like his wife Karen...I can now see the wisdom of her words.  It is one of the best descriptions of life...of making the choice to be God's child...of living the life of a wife and a mom.  We can choose to take the easy ride, the boring round and round or we can embrace the craziness of the ride and live it to the fullest! 

This is the word that has me most tripped up...not because I don't know what a book is (cuz hello???) but because I know them all so well that I find a full public library-type room pass before my eyes. 
Which do I describe?
Which do I put out there?
How can I pick just one...or two...or 10?
And there you have a small glimpse of one of the scariest places ever made...my mind.
But as I go over it all, I am brought back to the lesson I am working thru in my life at this moment...and I would have to say that my favorite book is the Bible.
"Ooooooo...big shock!" I know, coming from the Christian girl you aren't taken aback by it, right?  Ya, I hear you.  But I am not saying this for the "normal" reasons.  I mean, I could tell you that it is because it is God's word or that's its because it is what I am "supposed to" read as a follower of Christ.  I could tell you a lot from that side of it...but I will tell you that it is my favorite simply because of my personal experiences with the way it can come to life in my hands.
Like some fantastic kid's tale, the words will start to "move" and "glow".  I will read a section that I have read at least 20 times before when suddenly BAM!  The well known words jump off the page at me, as if suddenly given the right to be 3D, and will make sense in a way they didn't just a few days ago.  The truths that were confusing and mind-boggling are suddenly clear.  The story that seemed a bit odd and too fantastic to be believed is played out in my mind, step by step, and I can finally see the reality of it.  The characters, who are seemingly so perfect, suddenly become real people used by an amazing God...flawed but faithful. 
It is the one book that never ceases to amaze me or get old...because it is the one book that never ages and never allows itself to get so familiar to me that it looses its powerful meaning.
Oh...and for the first reasons that I listed...you know, the ones that "I could tell you"...they are just as true. :)

Long story short: it is an existance filled with joy that comes thru snuggles and love notes while living with the reality that you're "cursed" with a heart that loves so much it can hardly stand to breathe.

Short story long: It is smiles and tears that flow freely as strength fights to survive the over-powering waves of weaknesses.
It is laughter and sorrow...happiness and pain...it's an intense pride of these little people that flows out of a river filled with feelings of self-directed disappointment...
It is praying in the middle of the night over things that are big to them while seemingly small to the world.
It is holding your head in your hands while you wonder if you will ever get it right when the sweetest words ever uttered filter thru the gaps around the locked bathroom door..."I love you, Mommy". 
It is realization that your parents did have moments of wisdom and understanding that some things just survive the gene-pool, no matter how much you hate the fact that you ARE your mother. 
It is faith...it is focused perspective...it is a guessing game...it is hope lived out.
It is heartbreak when wrong choices are lived out in the lives of the babes of your womb and it is a willingness to fight any giant who dares injure their innocent hearts.
It is hard and it is nerve-wracking.
It is my life...and I wouldn't trade any of it for anything in the world.

For this one, can only quote the song that best describes my thoughts on laughter:
"I love to laugh.  Long and loud and clear. I love to laugh. It's getting worse ev'ry year.
When things strike me as funny, I can't hide it inside.  And squeak - as the squeakelers do. I've got to let go with a ho-ho-ho... And a ha-ha-ha...too!
The more I laugh, The more I'm filled with glee. And the more the glee, the more I'm a merrier me. It's embarrassing! The more I'm a merrier me!"

This has been one of the most thought provoking things I have ever written...ha ha!  You wanna try it?  Leave me a comment and I will provide you with five words for you to post on, taking them wherever your mind takes you. :)

Listening to the sounds from the weekend (as it took me that long to write this) while looking up as always...


alicia said...

Aah< Bina, my dear friend, you once again have me laughing through my tears! I love ALL of it. Each section, just awesome! Love the Parenthood quote, motherhood, that spoke to the heart and made it cry a bit more. Dare I ask YOU for 5 words? That seems like a lesson in trust!hmmm.... maybe. Since I do seem to be experiencing blogger block these days... Couldn't hurt right?!
Love you my friend!

Bina said...

You have your words, altho one of them caught me a bit off guard...but God can do that to me. :) I love the fact that you are willing to be vulnerable in your non-perfection even while I thumb thru a phone book searching for a doctor capable of my issues. *sigh* Is ok...keeps us balanced as Blogdies :)

Jungle Mom said...

I loved reading this! I'm a redhead too, so now you know why I put that on the list. I saw your adorable girls pictures and... well, I'm in love already! (I know about the insecurities too. I once tried to sand paper off my freckles and followed that with bleach. Ended up in the ER!)
Everything was so interesting and enlightening!
Thanks for participating!


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