...confession...

...bina & my furry pal...

confession...
real-life squirrels scare me due to the fact that i got chased by one as a small child...very tramatic...that pic was therapy.

confession...
blue, green and purple are my favorite colors...bet you couldn't tell that...

confession...
the idea for this type of post isn't original, as i swiped it from carlotta ... since they say that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, i pray she knows how amazing i think she is...because of this...and, well, because she is.


...a ladybug & a boybug...


confession...
i secretly would love to be a photographer...

confession...
I am a Star Wars-aholic...and often use the insults from the movies in my everyday conversations, which is awkwardly irritating when i have to explain them to non-followers.

confession...
sometimes i really do know what i am supposed to do, but just decide to not do it.  like...i know that one should probably twist the toothpaste cap back on and not just set it beside the tube in the cabinet...or that one shouldn't drink from the same milk carton that one just swatted a boy's mouth off of, say, just a few moments before...or that certain reality tv shows probably aren't the most intelligent of time fillers...or that admitting such things in a public forum could be a problem later on...ahem



...what??? I followed directions!!!...

 confession...
i actually have days when i really do think i have it all together.  yes, i know exactly how horrible that sounds when written out, but i can assure anyone reading that i don't mean it to be as egotistical as it sounds.  i simply have moments...blips of time really...when the banter in my head and world dies down enough that i can clearly sense His presence and leadership in my life and i am assured i am headed in the right direction.

confession...
...those moment don't happen often enough and the time in-between leaves me feeling as though i am not enough or that i have somehow failed in my mission to be the "good christian" that we all believe we are supposed to be from time to time...and then i wonder, although i already know the answer, if i am alone in this depression that comes from Godly-sense-deprivation due to chaos unleashed.

confession...
i adore ladybugs...so much so that finding one crawling thru the grass will cause me to try to capture it so that i can speak to it as it moves across my skin...and i really do call them mister bugs more often than not.  it is mainly because i watched disney's bugs life movie and really felt for the guy-called-a-lady just because his "type" was classified with a female name...a slight injustice that i wonder if the name creator ever stopped to consider.


...misterbug luv...

 confession...
i am a little too preoccupied, most days, on what other people think about me.  sounds normal (i've been told) but it is somewhat irritating as it leaves me on-edge and preoccupied...about myself...and yeah.  i don't like it.

confession...
i had a love-hate relationship with Lent this year.  i struggled with the daily posting...sometimes not able to articulate any of what i was truly feeling or sensing.  it was been such a deep and constant churning within me to keep this up day after day...and yet, even on the days when i sat down with no clue as to what to say, i got up so amazed by the holy spirit's ability to take the "duh" in me and turn it into "ta-duh" from Him.

confession...
i hate a certain store (which shall remain nameless, but uses the colors blue and white in its logo) but when i discovered that they alone sell my most favorite banana popsicles...i have visited not once, not twice, but three times in order to stock up our freezer.  it will kill me when it gets out to certain people with whom i most often battle the blue&white verses red&white fight.

...got any confessions of your own???

Looking up as always...
...bina...

...finished...

Lent, Days 39 & 40

...on a side note, I had one of my worst EVER asthma attacks Thursday night and have been attempting to find my brain enough thru all the meds to post the final edition of the Lent Celebration.  I am sorry it is late going up...but am very happy with the perspective He has given in me in waiting for it...

I have a massive problem in letting things go "unresolved" when it means something to me.  Could be a relationship that had a falling out...maybe it is wanting to reach out when God says "not now"...sometimes it is that I am being treated unfairly but nothing I do will make it better so I just have to do...nothing.  Lent, for me, this season was ALL about letting go of the unresolved and getting the honor of seeing His amazing hand solve what I haven't been able to.

Easter weekend was a time of reflection, celebration and realization for me that can be summed up by one simple verse: "And behold, Jesus met them and said, "Greetings!".  and they came up and took hold of His feet and worshiped Him." (Matthew 28:9)



...empty...

 From Friday to Sunday...I bowed, I praised, I pondered and I considered all that He accomplished in me. 

And while that was amazing enough, He also allowed me to see the changes in those around me...situations and relationships I had given up control over suddenly became controlled by my Defender and my Rock...and He allowed me to witness and partake in the joy of knowing He had worked...for me.

Lent is now over...and Easter has come and gone...but my heart is changed by the experience and I am so thankful that He allowed me even a simple glimpse of all that He is!


My father's hands

Thanks to all of you who have taken the time to go along with me on this journey...this celebration of Lent started back here. 

Comments are now open again so drop me a line if you get a chance!!

Hugs to you all! 

Looking up as always...
...bina...

...good...

Lent, Day 38

Today is the day in which most Christians will remember...reflect...reserve as a moment in time when everything changed.

Today is a day that we call "Good Friday"
...good because His love sacrificed. 
...good because His love demonstrated.
...good because His love knew no bounds in reaching out.
...good because His love took the risk, knowing we could still say "so what?"

Today is the day when my family will gather with our church body
...to pray.
...to worship.
...to bow our hearts together as one.
...to collectively thank Him for all that He did to make us a part of His family.

Today, although bittersweet to me as I acknowledge all that I have done that made His sacrifice necessary, is indeed...good.

For more information about this celebration of Lent on the pad

and why there are no comments allowed,

click here to read the first post Lent, Day 0.

Looking up as always...
...bina...

...cross...

Lent, Day 37

Last night, a few of us gathered at our church to prepare for the musical portion of our Good Friday service. I entered thru the doors as my normal self...smiling, laughing and ready to practice.  Nothing unusual or all that exciting...until one of the gals pointed to the corner of the large room and I saw them standing there.

The reminder of why this special practice was happening.  The symbol of why Good Friday is remembered.  The purpose of this celebration here on my blog...the one thing I had forgotten in the chaos of my own emotions and walk with God.  I had forgotten...looked away...misplaced my reason for even doing what I am doing over this past (almost) 40 days.  

As my eyes stopped to behold the trio standing, tall and massive in the corner of the room...my heart skipped a beat as it remembered...as it focused once again...as it bent itself in worship. 

And as we sang, the lyrics stayed in my head...playing out even now...
"May I never lose the wonder, the wonder of the cross. 
May I see it as the first time, standing as a sinner, lost. 
Undone by mercy and left speechless, watching wide-eyed at the cost.
May I never lose the wonder, the wonder of the cross."

For more information about this celebration of Lent on the pad

and why there are no comments allowed,

click here to read the first post Lent, Day 0.

Looking up as always...
...bina...

...stuck...

Lent, Day 35...and Day 36

Is this cheating?

Maybe it is...but putting the two days together like this is the only way to really describe where I am at. 

Pondering
Wondering
Arguing with myself and what I know
Stuck in between here and where I need to go
The Rock is Him and the Hard Place is me...
and I just battle to out from in between.

For more information about this celebration of Lent on the pad

and why there are no comments allowed,

click here to read the first post Lent, Day 0.

Looking up as always...
...bina...

...friends...

Lent, Day 34

I love Saturday's post even more now, as I sit here to type out today's response...days (and much needed perspective) later...and all I can do is laugh a bit at the thought that I had to stand to gear up for this week.  Boy, did I ever.

You see, in all actuality, I am my own hardest puzzle to solve...

God prompts my heart with:
"I want you to __________ in order to show Me your heart about _________"
and I may vent a little about how I feel about the requested changes, but I know He prompts because He loves me and has a greater perspective on the situation...so I say yes and will follow thru to the end.

That part is clear.

But, God prompts my heart with:
"I want you to ________________ because I asked you to"
and I do the same as above except for the fact that, within a few days to a week, I talk myself out of it and soon revert to my old ways.

Irritates me to no end that I quit because the bottom line is that this is still the same God...still directions given out of love and greater perspective...still the same heart that hears it all...so WHY is it that I can't stick with it when it is simply "because I asked you to"??

Lucky for stubborn little me...God has placed friends in my life who can call it as they see it, which is highly and irritatingly necessary for one such as myself.  I really am tempted to not show my answers...but seeing as how my point was to be honest about where I am each day and the fact that I can't seem to stop typing about this lesson from today...I guess I am going to lay it out...yeah.

Her: "Ok. So...let's simplify...
where's your focus right now?"

Me: "On my inability to control this."

"...and where is that located?"

"...on myself..."

"So since you have stopped worshipping God
to focus on your control (or lack of it) 
...you have made an idol out of the issue."

"..............."

"When He doesn't tell you why He is asking you to do
something, He is basically saying "Take up your cross
and follow Me on this"...and you are saying
"Not unless you give me a good reason."

"..............."

"Do you need me to say more or you wanna pray?"

"...i hate you."

"Uh...you called me, yes?"

"I know...i meant to say i love you, but

it just slipped out...

you know?"

"Yes...I know..
It'll be my turn to hate you eventually....
Let's pray."

I love relationships of little words because they are rooted in the love that comes from a common knowledge of Christ...and in an open understanding that Truth is more important than flattery when sin is the issue. 

I love that I wrote from my heart on Saturday...because today that feeling I had makes so much more sense.

I love that God loves me enough to keep working on me...and enough to give me a friend who can see it so clearly, even when on the other end of a phone...and enough to soften my heart to learn a lesson that changes my direction in life. 

(...and I love that I can say "I hate you" and she can hear "I love/need/respect/thank God for you, my friend"...because I so do!!)

For more information about this celebration of Lent on the pad

and why there are no comments allowed,

click here to read the first post Lent, Day 0.

Looking up as always...
...bina...

...a moment...

Lent, Day 33


Sometimes, when I am almost to my pre-determined destination...I stop.   

...bina...
(or, rather, what I would look like at this age)

As if drawn by an invisible force, I slow down...

going from a sprint

to a jog

to a walk

to nothing.

Just standing...

staring...

suddenly contemplating what is needed to finish the last leg of a race that had, up to that point, been run with such non-thought out enthusiasm.

Today it hit me.

Only 7 more days (well six actually, but I want to make my final post on the first day after Lent is over) but only a week more before this season is over. In some ways, it seems like forever since I began...but in others, it seems like it has always been this way.  Me, Him and a daily plan that doesn't include knowing what everyone and their mother is up to...and them not knowing about me either.

I do admit that there is such freedom in being UN-social media-lized. Being able to rely on the fact that it is restricted from my day-to-day activities is beyond a blessing, as I am out of the madness that comes when addicted to something.

So I stand here, at a resting point as I gather up the energy needed to move forward...to face the last stretch that leads me up and out of this fasting season and back into "normal life"...

...and I wonder if anything will ever be this sweet again.

For more information about this celebration of Lent on the pad

and why there are no comments allowed,

click here to read the first post Lent, Day 0.

Looking up as always...
...bina...